When I Was Seventeen…

The following is a piece I wrote for my Year 12 English class. I can’t remember exactly what the assignment was, I’m pretty sure it was either to write a humourous piece, or to write about a contentious  issue  in the local community. Either way, here it is. It ended up being published in the school newsletter which I was pretty stoked about, even though the majority of my classmates were too dense to get it and teased me about it being ‘boring’. I think it shows that I’ve had an inkling of a skeptical streak for at least 10 years, even though I have only recently become familiar with the label and the ‘skeptic community’.

The future of farming is upon us. As technological advancements in agriculture such as genetically engineered crops become common, it is vital that possible repercussions of this dangerous new technology are understood. Crops are genetically altered by biotechnologists in an attempt to render the plants disease and pest resistant. But what’s to stop these plants interbreeding with the attractive, long stemmed dandelion from outside the paddock to create a crop of powerful, super resistant and sexy killer commando warrior weeds?

Imagine the turmoil when the hybridised monster plants begin to interbreed with all kinds of crops – seducing them with their alluring leaves and voluptuous petals. Fields across the globe will become contaminated with variations of the cross bred devious dandelions. Orchards will be overrun with troops of terrifying tracheophytes that do not hesitate to invade meadows without warning. These horrifying mutated crops will see the end of vegetarianism. Humans will be forced to live entirely on animals, as there is no way these super plants are going to five themselves up for human fodder. Only the sick and old are left behind to be salvaged for salads.

As the situation worsens, the plants gain more power. What were once peaceful pastures are not colonies of super crops with resistance to not only pests and diseases, but also bullets, grenades, nuclear weapons and everything that humans can possibly think of to eradicate them. The plants are taking over. Homo sapiens are no longer the dominant species at the top of the food chain. They hide in their homes living in fear of dangerous dandelions that could break down the door at any moment. The super crops begin to farm humans – changing their genetic makeup to replace their feet with roots.

Once the only purpose for human life is as a food source for the carnivorous mutant plants, acres of farmland across the globe are planted with root-footed humans. The world’s leaders become sunflowers and entire countries are run by genetically modified soybeans. By now the situation is beyond control and the efforts of the CIA, SAS and TRG combined have no effect upon the dynamic rule of the plants.

It has now gone beyond just vegetables fighting on the dinner table or your salads changing the channel when The Naked Chef is on. Genetically modified crops could become out of control and their use must be halted immediately. The consequences could be drastic.